Full Moon

and I'm on my way to kill someone I like and know oh-so-well.
It's not the first time, not the last one, either.
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How many times did you do this?
What was it like?
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PS: thank you for your kind comments on my expert. It seems that the adding of small references to perceptions within a particular situation enhanced the dialogue.

I am going to keep the descriptions of the surroundings.

I was to, anyway, but your opinion helped me to stick to my mind.

version two

For reference, see the post right under this one.

The following conversation is almost the same one, but I added some reference to the surrounding and their behaviour here.

Your advice and suggestions are welcomed as to 1.) whether the adjustment improved or made it worse 2.) anything else about practically anything.

I've already made my mind about the changes, but I'd like to hear your opinion as well.

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- Uhm, you should drink and eat healthy, Hail. – The pattern on the shoulder of Hail’s winter coat, now hung above the shoes, bore a slight resemblance to the shed skin of pumpkins.
- I will. The office is closed. What a progress I’ll be making during those entire four days! My fingers are already itching.
- We were worried about you.
The snowflakes were melting on the coat. Beyond the clothes rack, the only light intruding the darkness of a larger room was the flashing of a standby.
- I see, but you should not. I am fine now. I hear the calling.
Darkness stayed. The photos on the wall remained silent.
- You’ve got any plans, like visiting relatives, or friends? Does he even have those?
- Uhm, nothing special. It’s not that you would not understand. It’s that it’s my own quest.
- Well, have a nice time then. – The shoes were arranged neatly on the shoes rack. The smell of shoe polish mingled with something he could not trace quite well. I wish I could get some of those chocolate cakes for Anna.

words

Finally, I've returned to some polishing. I'm not yet finished, thanks for asking - it's the usual 'rolling revision'.

Among many other important factors, Bernita mentioned that a good dialogue should be as much interesting as the action scenes and should be able to carry the story further on, just the same.

The dialogue I'm working on is short, is between 2 people (main character and another person) and it is a dialogue, nothing more.

I thought I would be adding something else, to make it go beyond words. But everytime I re-read it I don't see anything that can be or should be added. I think it's because I know it almost by heart. I know that the obvious advice is to leave it as that and return later on...

But you know what?

Here's an excerpt: this is part of the dialogue. The whole conversation is 245 words, and the word count for this little piece is 104.

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- Uhm, you should drink and eat healthy, Hail.
- I will. The office is closed. What a progress I’ll be making during those entire four days! My fingers are already itching.
- We were worried about you.
- I see, but you should not. I am fine now. I hear the calling.
- You’ve got any plans, like visiting relatives, or friends? Does he even have those?
- Uhm, nothing special. It’s not that you would not understand. It’s that it’s my own quest.
- Well, have a nice time then. I wish I could get some of those chocolate cakes for Anna.

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Do you think the scene needs indication of physical actions, hints of movements, description of the flat they have just arrived into?

Do you think their inner thoughts should be italicized?

Do you find this conversation boring to some extent?

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Thank you for your suggestions. Shove them into my thick skin.