Thursday, September 23, 2010

some note on Vesper's reply

i received the manuscript red all over and i liked it :))))
it means Vesper have thoroughly combed it, and found, i suspect, all the grammar mistakes.
i don't mind my grammar corrected - i use less english these times and my knowledge is failing. i have to get back in shape.
as for vocabulary, i'm so glad she checked it, too. at times i must have picked a words from a Hungarian- English dictionary without actually checking the words current meaning in one of the online English-English dictionaries. it is a great advice to check the words before using them the only trouble is you (=someone who's native language is not English) are never sure about which words to check... sometimes you have a rare word, you think you know the meaning, but you are wrong.
i think i've got to be more careful with rare or old words.
reading some occassional 'very nice image' among her inserted comments pleased me quite much :)))
and in some places my writing was not clear enough.
i will have to go through the text, which i will do gladly.
here's one example. the original text is interrupted twice by Vesper's remarks.

The stand [V1] was still soaked in the darkness of the night and the trees kept hissing [V2]

[V1] I’m not sure what you want to say here.

[V2] Interesting choice of words…

for V1, the stand refers to the place where Hail (the main character) spent his night. this stand is mentioned in a couple of sentences before. Hail has already left it. perhaps this reference is late and should be inserted a bit earlier. 'being soaked in the darkness...' is supposed to mean that it is still dark. i know 'soak' refers to a thing/object/material/textile being saturated by some liquid, but i thought it would make a nice and fresh expression.

for V2, for 'hissing trees', i went for something to express how the small branches and leaves kept rustling, crackling among one another. i wanted to add a sense of danger.
perhaps i was wrong with that idea.... perhaps this just doesn't work in English.
i will have to revise and possibly re-place this sentence.
finally, i would like to express my thanks again for her.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

a short answer to Vesper

who has taken her time and read my short story.
she asked quote Last night, they were showing an ad on tv about an xbox game named "Halo". Does it have anything to do with your Halo? end quote.
my short answer is a definite no.
for a long answer, read further...
it all started with Jason. he had this contest where the photograph we had to use was named Halo. it showed a forest with a clearing and a ray of sunlight.
i simply kept the name of the photograph as a title.
basically i used the original meaning of the word - my hero is looking for something to illuminate his life. he is looking for a clear stance. a victory. a light within the darkness of the tangled branches.
so, I finished my contest entry (limited to 250 words) with the title Halo and just when i was thinking about expanding it to a larger piece have i come accross the actual game named Halo.
the original idea had nothing to do with the game, but once i figured out Halo is a name of a game i kind of started to enjoy the coincidence. it may or may not draw readers who have played (or are still playing) with the game for example.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

halo - the first reader

Vesper, the first one to read Halo besides me, has finished reading. she keeps me informed about her opinion about the piece via email. it feels so great and exciting.
i'm patiently waiting for her comments on the story and her grammar suggestions.

this flower goes out to honor her time and efforts.