Saturday, December 29, 2007

bored with boredom?

I keep revisiting Halo, adding a line or two, polishing here and there...
The part I've arrived to is when the protagonist is at his daytime, 'normal' job - which he finds completely boring. He finds no meaning in commuting to and fro and in working in general.

I am now at around 900 words, which rate perhaps sounds ridiculous to those who spit the same amount half a day - but this is just how I seem to write.

When the kids are at home they sometimes wish to grab the computer and play games with it. Sometimes they just wish some attention from their mother, that is me, which I surely must give them. I cook, I clean the house, I shop firewood, tend the chicken and so on...

When they are at home, writing is hard.
When I'm alone, writing is hard, too.

I like when they are at home, providing me some fading family background. When they are at home but leave me alone - those are the best times for writing.
The short story was originally 250 words and I, upon the suggestion of my readers, wanted to expand it.
This is what I do now - expanding.
I'm planning to have it around 1500-2000 words.
I like finding out more detail about the interesting elements of the story around Hail, the main character. I like getting involved in his actions. I like describing the way he feels when he's actually DOING something interesting.

But when he's doing something he DISLIKES -
I think I have written most of that part, too.
(not) surprisingly enough, those parts came out sort of dull.
It's rather telling and not showing.
Don't you worry, my dear potential readers, it is not a long part, it's less than a few lines.
Yet -


when your hero is faced with a problem/situation/person s/he gets bored with/dislikes to the point of ignorance - does your style changes? do YOU get bored writing it, too?

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Dear Readers,
now get back to your families and stop sitting by the computer!
Get absorbed by the spirit of Christmas, will ya!
This applies to me as well.
I tend to watch the monitor endlessly and it tears me away from the family.
At Christmas time it is less than tolerated :)
Does your family like when the Muse strikes and enforces you to hit the keyboard endlessly? What's their reaction? Do they witdraw, letting you create? Do they whine about not seeing and having you? When you're alone in an ordinary it's all right, but when it's Christmas....?
I'm planning to return to Halo once I can.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

at the same time -UPDATED

Some great NEWS:
After having finished writing a less than 250-word piece into that contest, I returned to writing the longer version of Halo.

I'm so glad I've found that work again :)
You know I've started this blog to monitor my (not) writing a story.
Then I've decided to write the expansion of Halo before finishing my original idea.
Later still I've seen that photo and decided to write a shorty short for the competition as well.
Which meant I had three works in progress - and instead of writing a little bit of this here and a nother bit there, I wrote none, nowhere.
I was sad and confused, until I forced myself to finish that competition entry first.
As soon as I've finished that I was able to add some new paragraphs to the Halo as well...
Was this burst of energy due to the completed work?
Was it the Muse?

Question # 1.

What effect does an uncompleted task have on your working efficiency/enthusiasm/inspiration?
If you had an unfinished WIP, can you totally and wholeheartedly work on another?

Question # 2.

Can you write two different types of piece simultaneously?
If I had to answer questions like these, I'd say:
Basically, I like to finish a job before getting started with another. I am quite an organized person.
But now it's about writing.
And when it comes to writing I don't have as much control.
It is a very interesting experience, though.
As a conclusion it seems that noone can write/work properly on two different things at the same time. As Billy pointed out, even Stephen King can not do that. I wonder about Chuck Norris, though....
Guys, I'm sorry for the totally ridiculous link. I was unable to resist :)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

now or never? or ever?

It's Bernita time again.

She has that wonderful picture up on her site. The lovely tree is a must see and a true inspiration, as I gather from the number of entries.
Yes, it is contest time again, this time, by her.
When I first saw the photo thousand blurs occupied my mind, all asking for being written down.
Which was exactly what I wanted to do.
They were not solid ideas, just blurs, but still - the photo did speak and it still does.
take a look at it and enter the contest, it's open until 14 December.
I promised her to enter, and so did I for my own self.
I added that I had to wait until family is asleep or away at schools (DH also works at a school, well, a university is a school, isn't it?)
I waited until everyone went asleep; only to realize I had some other things to do, which I duly did.
The next two days were weekend days, and my family needed me.
Monday has come and gone.
I realized I had some other things to do, which I, with clinching fists and tight jaws, duly have done again.
I've been waiting for Tuesday. So Tuesday came and I realized...
Plus my daughter is at home with some virus induced disease.
So, here I am, wondering whether I will have the precious time to work out those original ideas.
Which are barely audible now. The first striking voice I seemed to have heard is but a silent whisper. I don't know whether I have lost it alltogether or not...
Do you always carve out the time when the Muse strikes?
or can you call it back later on?
I don't want to mess up with her*, you know.
*I'm referring to the Muse, not to Bernita :)))

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Fear the fear

Bernita says that the worst moment of the hero in fiction writing should not come unexpected. It should be well planned.
Perhaps, to make the scene more real, perhaps, to get the reader ready to the experience.

Bernita and I have at least one thing in common: ursophobia, or fear of bears.
I can't imagine any of my heroes facing a bear, either.

Is it because I would be unable to handle the situation?

One day I might expose a hero of mine to it. When *I* am ready to overcome the fear.

I think many authors keep giving abilities to their heroes way far beyond their own.

What dou you think?

It is more realistic to write out of your own experience OR one can leave his/her own restrictions behind?

If someone posess an abnormal fear of bears for example, can one make a fighting scene between the character and the bear believable?

Saturday, December 1, 2007

for better or worse

If you recall a film you saw, a novel you read, which characters lurk on in your mind for longer? Which characters made you think more?
The better ones or the more evil ones?
How come that according to a popular belief, evil characters in a play/movie are easier to master for the actor/actress?
If you gave your hand nand heart a try at writing a poem - what did you find easier to verbalize?
Your loss/pain/depression/anger OR faith/joy/love?
How's that?
We all yearn for harmony, peace and quiet situations, for being loved and giving love - aren't we all? The occassional spur of adrenalin is all right and is necessary, too - but if you look into your heart the desire is there for relaxation, calmness and love, again, the quiet love.
How come that positive feelings are so difficult to convey...?
Are they?

Thursday, November 22, 2007


no, not around me :))))

If there's any halo around here that shold be given to IllMan for his photo that inspired me to write the initial piece of the story. I have to mention his credits from time to time b/c people are asking if the photo up there was mine. Well, not mine. Thank you IllMan!

It's the title of the short piece I am to expand for a better understanding.
I keep writing it, trying to expand from 250 to 1000-1500 words.
The story keeps slipping out of my hand, poetic elements snake along, where I don't really want them.
It's a short story about someone who's addicted to computer games.
There's no need for poetry, is there?

Question of the day:

Have you experienced a work in progress slipping from one genre to another?
What do you do?
Pull on the harness a bit more?
Let the thing go off?
A mixture of both?
Was it an easy question?

Update: a photo of the Full Moon.

Made on 23 November, 2007.

Monday, November 19, 2007


I've taken up the idea of finishing another short story before completing this one here. That one is a 250 word piece I wrote some months ago, which at that length, was way too complicated and difficult to understand.
I understood it ah too well, because I had it in my head, but appearantly none of the readers did.
I'm planning to ue this as an exercise to do some planning and USE my plans as well.

Question number 1.
Do you often totally re-write your stories? OR: Do you oftern turn a short story into a long one?
Does it often happen to you? Why?
How does it affect you? And your relation to the story?

Question number 2.
If you understand the flow of events and motives for actions in the story, do you still re-write it? What would be the force to make you re-write a story completely?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

a bad lie

I'm sure you have all heard of the saying that goes along something like this: 'the objective justifies the method'. The end justifies the meaning.
That's so untrue.
What's your take on that if you think of writing, writing skills and subjects/stories/characters?
Let's have a friendly debate, shall we?
In the comments section, a Hungarian young man relates the subject to Harry Potter. Since I have NOT read book 7 YET, I would like to ask you NOT to mention any hints and spoilers re:HP, any number. Thanks.
I think I have to clarify the main point of this entry.
By methods I ment serious sickness involved in plots, events, characters, and also the lack of a catharsis.
By objective I wanted to refer to the effect a writer can have on the reader. An intense feeling that can be uplifting and constructive, helpful, even. Which feeling is quite the opposite if one reads a story that uses one or more of the methods described above.

Friday, November 9, 2007

my favourite quote

is this, and I'm almost sure I'm rephrasing it, unintentionally...if there's anyone out there who knows WHO said it and exactly what his/her words were, do not hesitate to let me know in the comments.
There it goes:
'Do not compose anything unless its non-composing becomes a positive nuisance to you'
I've heard this like ages ago and am mesmerized by it eversince.
If I had to choose guidelines for writing, and basically, for any other creative stuff, this would definitely make into the top 3.
Why quoting this and why now?
I've found out the obvious: I've started writing Copper Moon because I felt the urge, the need to some inner change. Or, the change that was already taking place within, the boil of events inside me has simply brought up this, as a byproduct.
I still think it's a great idea and worth writing, but the drive is now at one of the lowest peak ever.
I might still be writing it anyhow.
We'll see.
Now, don't tell me not to give up. Because I'm not that easy come easy go type. If I stick my mind to doing something I'll be doing it. It would take a serious reason to deter me from my original plan. I...I'm just re-evaluating my reasons, you know.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

polishing involves two major problems

I keep returning to the first Chapter, or rather, to the first few lines of the first Chapter and keep dragging text from here to there. And sometimes, back again.
Sometimes it seems I'm lost.
See - It does not really seem to matter where I place a particular fragment now.
Either way seems fit.
It's like making a quilt, where you have the patches, but it's almost indifferent as to where you place a particular patch.
The thing is - it is not.
I keep re-visiting the text, and keep abandoning it to let it sink.
But too much sinking might result in letting it sinking to depths unattaianble .

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

like it or not

I have just written a small piece for a contest at Evil Editor, and published it on my other blog. The limit was 200 words and I had to choose the protagonist among the range of well-known, frightening characters as it was Halloween-based.
Contestants have chosen Dracula, Frankenstein, or even Dick Cheney :)
My hero was Carrie.
I did not have a really high opinion of what I had done, but the comments were positive. I think I made a decent job, but I'm sure I might have been able to do better.
Anyway, as I indicated on that post, I have chosen Carrie b/c I've always felt sympathy for her.
Question is:
does the flowing of the story, the strength of writing have anything to do with the relationship between the writer and the protagonist?
If the writer despises him/her, will it make writing less enjoyable? How does sympathy towards your character(s) come into the picture?
If you feel for them, understand AND appreciate their action/feelings does it directly translate into a better story?
I think I have some answers already, but I'm seeking your opinion as well.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

I'm alive.
I've been polishing the first Chapter.
Sometimes what I write comes out so nicely that I'd like to lean back and pat my shoulders.
These days, despite of the company of the almost-full Moon, I'm not in that mode.
Would someone switch me, please?
Concentration. Focusing.
My kids won't be here between 29 October and 4 November.
I'll try to make use of this time.

Monday, October 22, 2007

chapters one after another

According to the present state of events, I envision the short story to have five chapters, plus the prologue and epilogue. That makes seven parts, some of them only a few lines long.
I feel very neat with having this strcture in mind now.
I have taken written notes of what each chapter would be about.
I have came up with titles for each chapter.
I've started writing Chapter One...
I have recently written pieces that would fit into further chapters...
Do you work in a linear fashion?
I think only a few writers can start writing at Chapter One, first line, finishing it, going onto Chapter Two and going this way until The Last Chapter.
I think most writers write some parts first and match pieces together LATER ON, according to the sequence of events and/or the flow of the story?
I had some other questions to ask, but my two kids keep CONSTANTLY speaking. To each other, to imaginary friends, to the dustbunnies under the table, to the corners of the room...
I can't believe how much can they actually talk.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

a little hole

is filled.
I had some trouble with the character and flow of fate of the protagonist.

Now, after having decided it's my writing after all, I'm much better off.
I don't think just because someone MIGHT be called a ****, s/he should exactly behave like every other **** in the history of writing. If this deviation makes my protagonist a less-likely ****, than so shall it be.
The story should be right, no matter how the protagonist meets the requirements of being a ****.
I mean, if you were reading a story about a dog that never barks, would that upset you?
Considering that the story is otherwise acceptable/good.
How much does a **** have to behave like the one we find in stories about ****s?
This is for you, readers! What's your opinion?

On a side note, I think I 'have' my chapters. I mean the title and a general answer to the question of 'what's in a particular chapter?' .
How cool is that.
I only have to fill in those empty pages...
Well, as I have learned somewhere, there should not be blank pages.
Blank pages block.
I keep writing into one single Word document file.
It adds up to 12 pages now, but it contains a lot of writer's monologue and other misc. items, which will NOT be included in the story.
I don't think it will come to 100 pages, though.
I would be very very much content 40...?
We'll see.
I hope the protagonist will make me see.
I'll give her a chance and so I'll be given a chance too, in return.

Monday, October 15, 2007

some improvement

you know I keep checking back this blog of mine (for I have two) and I am surprised to find that the number of comments do not increase after a time. It makes me wonder.
Then I realize I have not written a new entry, that is the reason for not receiving new comments.
Silence in my part is answered by silence from the readers. Quite reasonable, isn't it?
Oh, how dull I can be sometimes....

Well, about the improvements!

I have started outlining.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


it's everywhere.
I was thinking about writing my story during its course.
For clear reasons I can not join the NaNo, and I have doubts about being able to write that much about that idea I have.

My original plan was to write the story in 8-10 pages. What I have written so far is sligtly LESS than that limit, but the flow and type of things I wrote do not fit this short category. I think they would normally fit into a novel of 200-300 pages, but I think I don't have the drive and inspiration to go into it.
I am sad to admit that a reasonable plot is missing, too.
I enjoyed writing down all the things I have now and I don't know how to go on.
I'm thinking of adding some more twists and events to the original idea, plus making sure those lines I already have are enjoyable.
Let me explain: Sometimes I do writing exercises and I like when there's a word count limit. I usually write carelessly and end up with 2-1,5* as much words than eligible.
Cutting my words down is a great task.
All that needs to go fall out.
Only the most operative, most impressive, most conveying ones can remain.
That's one of the reasons I love these exercises.
So, by adding some more to the original plot, adding characters and events, I can, I might make it to like....100 pages. I fear writing it down.... Just the mere thought of writing 100 pages in my second language and creating something enjoyable frightens me.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

pessimism vs optimism

well yes, I'm on the wrong side of the mirror again.

Having a more pessimistic approach on life now, I was thinking about changing the plot again.
In my last post I mentioned I had decided to change the original plot into should I put it....lighter...? nicer?
I expressed my happiness over having accepted the fact that I was able to change my plot.
It took me some time to figure it out and accept the change. To accept that I have the right to do so - as long as I see it fit.
Now, I'm thinking of changing it again.... :)
My idea is this:
I'd stick to the original concept, and'd insert the optimistic story as a dream...
The protagonist foresees a potential outcome of her life, and at the same time she is it is the most unlikely outcome.
Here I am.

My question to anyone out there.
How does your mood affects the fate of your characters?
Suppose you're in the middle of writing a story. Plus you are depressed.
Can you describe a happy and uplifting event or do you have to wait until depression wears off?
OR would you choose a fight scene/sad/grief scene to deal with on gloomy days instead?

Was it a good question, at all?

Monday, October 1, 2007

Outlining and changing the plot a bit

Dear all, I'm just a beginner at writing a larger piece.
All those writing exercies I find here and there are extremely helpful in polishing my skills. Also are the constructive comments I got from you.
To have or not to have an outline
I started writing 'Copper Moon' without an outline.
In fact I wrote a piece and then decided to extend it along the lines of the story.
As I saw the protagonist in my head, her features and actions were clear as they could be.
But when I started writing it, my mind wondered over here and there and I felt that I was loosing it.
(Like this entry....)
What was the problem?
I kept repeating myself 'I should have done an outline' and 'I am suffering the lack of a neat outline'.
But my problem might have been either the lack of outline or something else.
Changing the plot
The thing is that the protagonist does not fit into the 'box' the very first piece suggests.
I was reluctant to change the protagonist to make her fit for the expectations AND to give up ANY of the suggestions occurred in the first piece.
In fact I was stuck to the 'outline' provided.
All right that was not an outline, per se...
If you read it HERE, and read some of the readers' comments, you see what I mean.
Writing a story about a werewolf and or serial killer seemed interesting. And it still is, to me!
But as far as I see, and as far as I see it NOW, this suggested atmosphere does not fit my protagonist.
Feeling right ->Back to writing
So, after gaining some confidence via writing completely different things andreceiving friendly pattings on my virtual shoulders, I'm focusing on the story again.
I feel stronger than ever that the flow and the potential outcome has changed....for better or worse?
The point is this: I feel no guilt for making this change.
This has been a great breakthough for me.
Perhaps, this, the fear of changing the plot, was blocking me. We'll see.
This story and the one in the oven
After all, it's my story and there's no plotline, other than mine, that is, other than the one that serves best the purpose of writing it up to my highest possible standards. I'm going to write this story to make the impression on the reader the clossests to the concept I have in my head - I hope I will succeed in doing so.
The changes I made fits the protagonist better.
When I wrote the first piece I had no intention of turning it into a 'large' short story. The first piece had a strong character and I wished to build p a story around her.
I kept her as a protagonist but the focus shifted.
The shifting happened quite early, but I was hesitating.
I still think the first piece is good and I might write another story about that protagonist. This werewolf/serial killer thing will surely give me at least one go. I think it's in me, but not this time. Not now.
Thanks for following me.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Am I a writer?

I found a meme on Jason's site.
No one tagged me, which I really don't mind.

This meme is about the 5 strong points of myself, as a writer.

This is where the main problem starts.
Am I a writer?

What are the criteria of being a writer?
Is there any?
Is it like.....
Do I write on a daily basis? Do I get payment for writing? Are my things published?
No, No, and no again.
Yet, I don't think these qualify.
Are there times when I feel like that what I have in my mind, my feelings, my experience (being spiritual, physical, world-ly, or supernatural, are to best dealt with by putting them on paper?
Are there times when you can't resist the need to write? No matter how rare these times are? When writing is the only solution?
Do I feel drawn back to what I have written just to make it convey the message more and easier?
So I sometimes just let my writings be as how they are?
Do I sometimes feel my writings are inseparatably from my inner part?
Yes, and yes to all.
Do they qualify?
To Jason I said I was more pessimistic and tended to focus on my weaknesses. He gave me some good words of advice, which cheered me up a bit.
I gathered some strong points of myself, yes.
But I might keep the results for myself.
I don't always consider myself a writer in the first place. I'm just someone who sometimes writes.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Dealing with writers' block

here's an interesting article.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

second run

A note for those who are new to this site:

this blog was called to live for the purpose of monitoring my process of writing a short story called 'Copper Moon'. I vowed to NOT post pieces. I will post the entire thing when it's ready.
I fancied writing 8-10 pages.
Now I have pieces that make up to like 7-8 pages, but the whole thing is quite incomplete and is totally missing a real plot.
I also said that I will never post again about not writing, so this is where I stop.
I'll be away for the weekend and I do hope to get the necessary solitude and distraction from my everyday life to think deeply about the progress I wish to make.
I'm thinking of getting orderly and coming up with a plot and get it right.
Chances are that the short story will be longer than I thought.
The main character does not seem to be doing anything, basically.
Technically speaking there's no action.
Only characters, 2 of them are important, to be honest.
Considering that it is 8-10 pages long, that really should not be a problem, though.
On the other hand, the lack of action is.
Okay, I'm off.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


I am frightened how much of the entries comprise of whining over not-writing. I should say an end to this.
So here and now I promise not to write a single line about not-writing.
Writing this particular blog involves responsibility towards those who read. I feel I have violated the law of trust by basically saying nothing.
Stop it. Right now.

Friday, September 7, 2007

there are days

when the notion of keeping on writing this short story does not even enter my mind.
Days come and go, I do my chores, have some rest, regularly meet my virtual and real friends, blah, blah...
There are days when I re-visit the protagonist and all I hear is 'I'm just fine, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm ok' and everytime I hear this I have no intention of whatsoever to keep on writing the story.
I don't sense the energy around the main character, or - what I feel is all too peaceful and quiet to stir me to start writing.
Perhaps, I will return some days later on again....? Ask something else....?
Do not accept a 'happy face' message, no matter how honest that sign is - perhaps I have to ask questions.
Well, I'll see.

Monday, August 27, 2007

full moon

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


I may not write it at all.

I don't feel like....
- my efforts would make worth it
-my English / my writing style would make it acceptable, for why be mediocre? I'm to excel and I don't feel I can.
I'm not saying 'I'm sorry' for I am not. I don't wish to push myself into something I no longer believe in. I thought it would be a good idea, but now I dont.
I think I should be looking at the Moon instead.

Friday, August 17, 2007

to post or not to post

I don't write a single line these wonder - the muse is repelled by the dust and upheaval we have in our house.
I am planning to continue whenever things have calmed down to an acceptable level. I guess it will be mid-September. Or early November, eeek.
Can the take a break that long without the risk of getting out of the habit of writing?
I think if there's something I have to write, I will write.
Now I don't have - but I'm not sorry about that.
My body's aching with hard work around the house and my mind is tired, too.
So, I think I'm taking a break from this blog for an undefined length of time, with the strong desire to return whenever possible.
The first job I'll be doing is outlining. My story is in need of one. You may think how stupid it is to start writing anything without a plot, a planned start and finish of events.
Well, that's just how it happened.
In the meantime I visit sites of writers and potential writers and learn a lot.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


I started writing in February with quite a core story, I liked it, others who read it in my other blog, said to have liked it too. Some even ventured to say they wanted a sequel or, expansion into a larger piece.
I was unsure about any continuation, but later on the story demanded more air and space within me, so I decided to go. That's when I started this very blog, in June.
Eversince I've been adding pieces to the original thing.
Sometime I got this feeling that the story goes into another direction. If I am to write 8-10 pages, those lines I wrote today for example, take the story into no other, new direction, cast no light onto the understanding the protagonist, onto a better getting the whole concept.
I can't seem to hold to the original idea.
I keep wandering into small descriptions. I lack actions. I don't really like how things have been going lately. I write - and I'm really happy about that. But what I write is another issue.
I will try to outline the story - too bad I have not done it YET: this will set the path of the story.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

mixing up

I kind of wrote another piece today.
There are many pieces now, still not reaching 10 pages, as set forth at the beginning. I think I'm half way through with the the sense of length.
Story-wise I don't really know.
One day I'll have to pick up the pieces and match them. Put them in the right order. Match dates, and other features of time, space and characters.
Now I tend to write impulsively and see where it leads me.
Perhaps, I should be getting more goal oriented now.
I'm learning new things about my own self and I like the process.

If you have any stories to share, feel free to comment.
If there is any of you out there.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Full Moon

Friday, July 27, 2007

small update

No signs of writing. Lack of interest? Lack of inspiration? See the previous post, also.

Monday, July 23, 2007

the state of non-writing

Perhaps I have come to terms with non-writing. With being an un-writer.
That tiny voice inside disagrees, though.
It's clearly disagreement. Resentment.

Well, I do what I can. Live, play with my kids, do ridiculous trips to get bruises and suffer from overexposure to the intolerable heat. But this blog is about writing.
get this?
No, I'm not quitting.
The deadline is December.
In fact I wish to finish the short story by November so that I can hand it over to some native English speaker to correct my mistakes.
August, September, October and half of November.
Perhaps I have enough time.
I read a lot, do a lot - and try not to think about not writing.

Friday, July 20, 2007

time to relax

I have been obsessing over not writing a single line in the past days (is it weeks already?!??). This obsession about having a little (?!) break from being creative and inspired makes me just as much nervous as the break itself.
I keep telling myself I wont be able to finish the story at all, it is empty and you have nothing elso to say. I feel quite bad about this part of myself.
At the same time, my other aspects of life are going quite well.
I'm doing good as a mother, housewife, whatever.
The thing I'm not good at at the moment is writing.
I came to question myself : Why is it so important for me to write? What is that writing and finishing writing a piece holds for me that is otherwise unattainable in my life?
Don't read further if you do not wish to help or wonder about my situation. Careless and superficial comments are not always welcomed. But if you wish to tell me something in the hope of working the problem out, then please proceed. You have been warned :)
I always, always wanted to be creative and always, always thought that I was just not. I thought - do I still hold this opinion of myself?
Well, perhaps, in some areas, yes.
So, creativity and being inspired was a 'state of mind' I admired - and I still do. Being talented, standing out somehow. Isn't it what everyone's aspiring to?
I thought my brains are not so bright.
My husband keeps telling me the opposite and he's quite honest you know. No masking the truth, not even white lies. Then there must be something else within me that keeps me believing I'm not brainy enough, not talented at all, not being creative at all - the list is endless.
Writing seems to prove my creativity.
Writing seems to justify my mind, my existence - but maybe I have gone too far with that.
There are many other aspects of my life that I can be good at. I might excel at gardening for example. You know what - when I put all my heart's energy into gardening, I do excel.
I started making our own bread and voila - everyone's got high opinions about that.
Perhaps writing is just another area I would like to stand out and gather those pats on the shoulder.
At the same time I'm far from the person who 'gains applause in practically every job he starts doing' - don't get me wrong....
Writing is an escape, too.
I think I just have to let this block (is it a block at all???) pass and NOT obsess about this present state of my mind.
This clear-headed discussion might help, though.
These were the bitter words of desparation, my friends.
Fact is, when I am inspired, I write. And whenever I finish a piece (well, nothing's ever completely finished, but let's agree on that there's a finish, a final touch to every literature, when the author thinks it's ready) - I feel great and relaxed. When I'm inspired, I must write what I write.
But when I'm underinspired or for whatever reason don't write, I feel the smallness about me.
I think I'll have to avert my attention in these periods of non-writing toward sthings I CAN still do. I have to be content with what I have at the moment. Today for example, I made a delicious lunch. Isn't that something to be proud of? I will read another volume of pages in the book I'm in at the moment. Isn't that an achievement? I will play Catan with my son in the afternoon and will be having HUGE fun doing so. Isn't that one of life's worthy moments?

Friday, July 13, 2007

I'm talking instead of writing

I wrote a letter to my main character.
I doubt that would deemed 'normal' at any cost.
I'd rather be writing about the protagonist, than to.
I fear the theme slipping out of my hands.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

a month passed

a month passed since I started this blog.
It appears that one who's watching my other blog has found his/her way here, into the Copper Moon project. That is sort of good. I like to do it alone, this constant monitoring of my (non)progress.
yeah, I'm watching my progress with some irony.
Not THAT MUCH to watch, though.
At least the progress does not really shown in the numbers of typed characters - rather in the way I see myself and the whole process of writing.
Regularity has helped me. That is great.
This blog is dedicated to the project alone and this is also helpful.
I have many, many doubts about writing, about writing this piece in particular, about me being a proper writer in the first place and so on....
And there are times when I think that I could make use of a friendly voice...Some of my blogging friends has surely had some sort of experience with writing....
But this is my writing, my problems, my way of doing things...
So, delurking is welcomed - sort of.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

getting lost

I fear getting lost.

Monday, July 9, 2007


There are times when I just can't think of writing a single line. I'd like to write and I do imagine myself writing and I do enjoy writing, but I don't seem to have the inspiration. I guess this must be something similar with every writer - those of the lesser kind, that is.
But this is not my main topic.
It is motivation.
The story I'm writing about is a bit strange. Or is it an ordinary story with strange characters?
The reason behind their behaviour(s) and feeling(s) is the motivation, right?
And that's where I'm troubled now: am I to give, depict and detail the motivation or rather, am I to leave it mysterious as it is a bit to me?
I have to make things clear in my head.
What are MY motives?
Am I to let the protagonist act on his/her free will OR am I to analyse him/her?
Who's the main character? Is it him/her or me?
Am I more important and wise? Or am I just peeping into someone else's life?
Am I to give life to him/her - or am I only allowed to enter his/her life as a visitor?
--- --- --- ---
and finally: am I to define myself as a writer?
that is: am I to consider myself as one and if the answer is yes, am I to declare and attach a style of writing to me? will that confine me or liberate me? why all these nonsense creep into my mind? why am I so unsure of myself?
of being able to finish it off?
where is my confidence?
what am I to do once I finished with the 'job' ?
will writing all the way through worth all the trouble I feel?
does anyone around feel like this?

Thursday, July 5, 2007

piece by piece

I wrote some pieces again today. Hurray.
I go by writing pieces that will be hold up for the complete story at the end.

Some are more detailed, some are not, some are only hints.
Sometimes my mind begins wandering off - it's like I'm watching a movie that I am only partly in control of.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

a deal

I'm looking for my lost inspiration to go on with the short story. I'm trading it for my newly found happiness. Shipments are awaited soon.

But wait - I might as well enjoy being content and easy-going with life and my circumstances for a while....

I don't know which will last longer: will happiness stay? will its remaining keep inspiration away or will it re-invite it? Will inspiration return once happines's gone? Will it not?

Oh, my.

Can the roads to ultimate happines, those are: being happy AND being able to write be parallell lines, running along each other? I pray them be.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


and headache. Some musical inspiration by Jane Siberry.

I finished the Endpiece. Clearly, I am not finished with the whole project, NOWHERE near finishing it! I started writing a Preface some days (was it weeks??) ago, while biking home alone in a lonely street. I just started off singing a tune and I knew it would fit the beginning of this project. I'm so glad I have scribbled that down somehow and later I introduced it among the drafts in this blog. I kept revisiting and re-writing it, though ever since but was unable to finish it. Now I think I'm done.
You might or might not like it - and I will surely re-edit it before publishing.
This entry was just on a little bit of encouraging note to myself.
Kids were put to bed a good two hours ago and I'm alone...finally...
(I'm so glad.)

Friday, June 22, 2007

another week passed

it is getting harder by the day....

I can't seem to get enough time alone to re-enter myself into the world of the project or the world of the project into myself.
It has started to getting on my nerves by now.
Kids are at home, thousand things to do around the hose, as usual with a house, husband's at home and he's getting really really angry at my ideas of wanting to be alon in front of the computer.
As long as he does not object my writing, I should switch to writing into an excersise book.
So far: I have done some (very little!!) research into the town where the short story takes place.

Monday, June 18, 2007

a week after the first plans

I told him about it.
It went well, just about as I expected.
Trouble is, inspiration.
Or rather, tha lack of it.

Friday, June 15, 2007

summer is in the way

kids at home as of today - school's ended.

I wonder how will I have the time and time alone and the inspiration to go on working on the project...
On top of that my husband scorns on my sitting in front of a computer. On one hand he's right for I spend way too much time here and I should be getting much more outdoor time.
But as I set my mind on pouring all my creativity towards writing this particular thing - I think I'm going to write it in a notebook only to copy it into here later, when he's not at home...Shame on me to let it go like this...
I hope the more outdoor time I have the more experience I gain so that I'll have inspiration when I have time to sit and write.
See how it goes, right?
On a second thought:
I know 'my man' as a man of honesty and outspeaking. There's nothing hidden between us - except for this little blog of mine....
I've decided that I have to tell him - well, not the blog, but my ideas about writing :)
It can't rain all the time by Jane Siberry :)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

the way ahead

I gather information both from the inside and outside world and whenever I feel the urge I write down what I have in my mind. Sometimes I set myself to writing. Sometimes this works, sometimes it does not.
I am experiencing with writing.
I think I have the title and I'm positive about having the main character.
It sounds stupid I know.
I keep this diary to watch myself in the process. To keep track of the events during creation - that, and rather than letting it slip through the loose net of my memory. I want to remember how it went.
The trouble is I have much less time now than I thought I would.
I think the deadline is not really late.

Monday, June 11, 2007

First words

this blog was created for the sole purpose of publishing the short story that is not yet ready. Parts of it have been made available on my other blog, but now I'm thinking of expanding the plot and the length of the story.
Writing the story in about 8-10 pages, in English.
December 2007.
In one go, when the whole thing is ready. No excerpts.
The photo in the header was made by IllMan.
Great and many thanks for him for that.